Forever Changed
by Lorilei Mackenzie
Summary: I had no control over what had happened. But it DID happen, and now I am forever changed." Witch X Hunter story.
1. Prologue

There once was a time when I was but a normal girl. A girl with a home, a family and friends, a life. It seems like a lifetime ago, but it was in fact just a few weeks ago.

It's surprising what can happen in such a short time, although while you are experiencing it, it feels like it is lasting forever. In a few short weeks, everything I thought I knew became unfamiliar. In a few short weeks, everyone I loved was either dead, mutated, or absolutely terrified of what I had become. Not that I can blame them.

It's a terrible burden to know that you have been forever changed. To know that even though you are the victim, you are also the enemy. I cannot help how I view things anymore, and it drives me absolutely mad. It's a horrible feeling to know that you have become a monster, and there's not a damned thing you can do about it.

That's exactly what I am now. A monster. Or so they say. I suppose it depends on ones' definition. After all, it's only at first glance that you see a monster. Unfortunately, a first glance is all you get now before some "hero" decides it's best to spill your blood and splatter your brains on the walls.

Sure, I have claws, and my eyes are a frightening red. But aren't you not supposed to judge a book by it's cover? People don't tolerate hatred towards different skin colours, or different figures, so what makes this so different?

Yet deep down I know the truth, no matter how much I try to deny it. In the end, it's not my looks people fear; it's my instincts. My instincts to protect myself, to kill the people I once knew and loved in order to feed. As much as I want to go back to the way things were, I know that it is no longer possible. I am a monster, even if I don't want to be.

Knowing this makes it hard to go. It's frightening to see how some adjusted so easily to their changes. Maybe this infection changes their perceptions. I don't know. But outside those tense moments of fight or flight, my human perceptions flood my psyche, making adaptation of this new form impossible, filling me with despair.

So, in order to channel this despair, I cry. I cry and cry and cry, and the tears never stop, unless someone stops me. I allow the grief to overwhelm me, to drown out my vicious instincts because I'd rather feel nothing but grief instead of nothing but rage. I do my best to hide, to avoid those who have a chance to escape this madness because I'd rather not create anymore pain or destruction.

But Fate has a nasty habit of playing the cruellest tricks imaginable. For though I had grown to accept this catastrophe and had resigned myself to my eternal sorrow, my past would come back to haunt me. Again, when the smoke cleared, and the dust had settled, I would be forever changed.


	2. Chapter 1

I don't know how long I lay there, crying my heart out, praying to a God that didn't exist. Despite my noisy sobs, I could hear the destruction that was be wrought around me. Outside, a horde of infected people had discovered living, breathing beings; fresh meat. There was a tiny piece of me that longed to join them in their brutality, but I was not like most infected. I had some control over my actions, and I refused to take part in their "sport".

But my control started to wane as those foolish people made their way towards me. I let out a loud sob to draw their attention, to warn them before it became too late; before I was unable to stop myself from ripping them apart.

It worked. The moment I made my cries louder I heard a harsh voice whisper, "Flashlights off!" So they knew enough about my kind to know that light bothered me. In a way it was comforting. Maybe they stood a chance after all.

My hope for them was short lived however. I suppose every group needs their tough guy in order to stay strong, but generally their toughness was no more than gruff stupidity that cost them their lives.

"I think there's enough room for me to slip around behind her and blast her head off," one of them said. As mentioned before, I am not as dumb as the other infected, and I could understand his words. Hearing him so that so casually, no, so _gleefully_ made me steam. Immediately I stood up and growled at them. My bloodlust was coming dangerously close to overtaking me, and this was their _last chance_ to get away from me alive.

All three of them backed off immediately. I growled some more, then sunk to the ground to cry some more. These ones had some smarts; I really hoped they would survive.

Unfortunately, nobody else seemed to share my thoughts. I heard the familiar scream of a Hunter, just before seeing a young man be pinned and slashed open. In a panicked state, Mr. Tough Guy shot at the Hunter. However, he missed, and the bullet grazed my foot.

I went berserk. Letting out a high pitched scream of rage, I stood up and charged. The sensible part of me was replaced by a savage beast who would only be soothed by blood. My claws tore into him, ripping open his chest cavity. The third member of their party was being torn open by the Hunter, who had finished off his first victim already. The saps never stood a chance, the point being driven home by Mr. Tough Guy's innards being displayed all over the room.

I finished with the jerk, but my thirst for blood and gore had yet to be quenched. Though I rarely feasted on my prey, my hunger had been left to fester for too long. Despite the part of me that pleaded for me to run off, I put my lips to the ragged pieces of flesh and started to eat. Consumed by the need to survive I ripped and tore him further with my teeth. Close by I could hear the Hunter doing the same.

It wasn't too long before I had eaten my fill. My stomach hurt from my feeding frenzy, not being used to having food to digest. Then my sane part took over again. I was horrifed by my actions, and I rose to run off.

"You're going to leave that much? My, you're pretty wasteful aren't you?"

I turned and saw the Hunter smirking at me. "What, are you watching your figure or something babe? Because I can tell you right now it's not worth it."

"I'm not a monster," I hissed at him. He was pissing me off, and he was about to find out why that was a bad idea. But something about him bothered me. There was something familiar about him.

"Wake up sunshine. We're _all_ monsters," he said chuckling. I was infuriated, and raised my claws threateningly. "Easy. It's just the truth. But you know what? I don't care. If you don't want the rest, I'll take it. No problem."

"It's disgusting," I muttered. I wasn't sure whether I was talking about him, or about myself.

"Thems the breaks kiddo. It's killed or be killed. Obviously you would rather kill than be killed, otherwise you would have let these morons empty a few rounds into that pretty face of yours."

That was it. Just because what he was saying was true didn't give him the right to rub it in my face. With a screech of fury, I ran towards him. But there's a reason they're called Hunters; they have very keen senses making them very good at what they do. He had anticipated my actions, and used it to his advantage. He dropped to the ground and swung a leg out, knocking me down, before pouncing and pinning me down.

"Bad idea babe," he snarled. But I wasn't paying attention to his words. Though it had been drowned out before by the scent of death and destruction, up close and personal I could pick up his scent. And it was a scent I was _very_ familiar with.

"Jared?" I whispered in amazement.


	3. Chapter 2

_"I've liked you for a very long time Jared, but I always held back because of Sam. But I realize now that I don't want any regrets. So perhaps...I mean...well, would you want to go out with me?"_

_For a moment, Jared didn't respond, and I grew anxious about his possible rejection of me. So I started rambling._

_"I understand if you don't want to. I mean, I wouldn't guilt trip you into it or anything. I guess it would be too weird since I'm your sisters' best friend and-"_

_"Hollie, slow down," Jared said. "Look, if you want to try and make this work, then I say we give it a shot."_

_"You mean it!?" I exclaimed. A thought struck me then. "You aren't obligated to accept you know. If you really don't want to-"_

_"Hollie, if I didn't want to, I wouldn't have agreed," he pointed out. "Let's try it out. There's no harm in that. Besides...I've liked you for some time as well."_

_My heart soared, and I embraced him then, taking him by surprise. But it wasn't long before his tension eased, and he returned my hug. It felt so good. I felt safe in his arms, and his scent was warm and comforting. I would never forget a detail of this moment for as long as I lived._

_______________________________________________________________________

The Hunter sniffed me suspiciously, before his features were arranged in recognition. "Hollie...is it really you?" he asked, staring down at me intensely. Even though his beautiful eyes were now gone, I could still feel the power that they had over me.

"Yes Jared...it's really me," I whispered back. I was so glad to see him, even though the circumstances weren't exactly pleasant. We were silent for a moment, as he got off of me and helped me to my feet. Then I hugged him, taking care not to hurt him with my claws. Behind that horrifying scent of death I could smell the scent that made me feel safe and secure.

He gripped me tightly before releasing me. "I have to go," he said suddenly.

"Why?" I asked, horrified I had done something wrong.

"The survivors are heading towards the docks. I want to be there before they get there," he stated, in a tone much colder that I was accustomed to hearing from him. I had heard it only once before, and it still made me shiver.

"Why Jared?" I asked, but he was already turning away from me. "Is it because you intend to kill them?! Why?!"

"Hollie...if you don't want to kill the immune ones that's fine. But don't try and tell me what to do."

"I don't understand it Jared...is it your instincts? You can fight them, I know you can!"

He turned back to me with a pained expression. "It's not that. You should know better. We're not like those commonly infected. We have more control. But I want to."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "You _want_ to become a murderer? To submit to being a monster?"

"We can't fight it forever Hollie. But...that's not it either," he said, exasperated.

"Then what is it?!"

"I'm after a certain survivor. I'll kill him, and any others that stand in my way," he said simply.

"Dammit Jared, _why_?!" I all but yelled.

His face twisted into something horrendous. "Because he killed Sam!" he shouted.

I was stunned. Sam was dead? My best friend...my spiritual sister. It couldn't be. And yet, with all the destruction raining around us, how could I be so arrogant as to believe all those I loved would be spared?

"Sam's...dead...?" I whispered, my eyes filling with tears.

His expression became sorrowful. He didn't say anything. He didn't have to. My heart felt like it had been torn into pieces. I let out a howl of agony, and fell to the ground sobbing. Crying came to me naturally these days, but this grief wasn't the type I was used to. It was searing hot and unbearably heavy, and I wished at the moment for the ground to open up and swallow me whole.

Jared sighed and walked over to me. He held me as I sat there weeping for the friend whom I never got to say good-bye to. It wasn't too long before my sorrow turned to rage. I didn't get the chance to say good-bye, or to protect her, but I sure as hell wasn't going to pass up the chance to get even. For Sam's sake, I was going to make her murderer pay.

I stopped crying, and looked up at Jared. My eyes glowed naturally, but I imagined that those seeing them now would compare them to the fires of Hell itself. "Take me to the docks," I managed to hiss.


	4. Chapter 3

_"Hey Sam...look, don't you realize that just because Jared and I are dating it doesn't mean that I've stopped caring about you?" I said forcefully. "I love your brother Sam, but I also care about you!"_

_"I guess I just felt that since you've been with him that you didn't need me anymore," she said absently, her gaze on the wall. "I was angry at first. You would talk about helping me with school but you wouldn't talk about this. Then I would feel bad about it. In the end, all I cared about is his happiness."_

_"But Sam...you deserve to be happy too," I said softly. "Please don't forget that. I...I do care about you. You're closer to me than any of my blood sisters. You really are family. Please...I want _you _to be happy too. Just because I'm dating Jared doesn't mean I don't need you! Let's face it...who else would be able to stand shopping with me?" I added, attempting to inject some humour into the situation._

_She laughed, that beautiful smile glowing on her face. Things might not ever be the same again, but as long as I can make her smile, it will be okay._

_______________________________________________________________________

"The one who killed Sam calls himself Chicago Ted," Jared explained as we made our way to the docks. "He's so cocky he decided that he would come back to the mainland to destroy us all."

"I'm glad he's confident...it will be so much sweeter once I tear that look off his face," I snarled, an expression of pure poison on my face. I may not have held a grudge against humanity like my bretheren, but I wasn't going to let Sam's killer walk away unscathed.

"He's good," Jared muttered reluctantly. "He captured me and Sam at the same time. He planned to kill us both, but he wanted to torment us first. To rub it in. After he killed her, he was going to get me, but I was lucky a Boomer came along and barfed on him. I barely escaped."

"I'm sure between the two of us we can take him out," I said stubbornly. "After all," I added with a twisted grin, "he's only human."

Jared let out a low laugh, then cut it short. We had reached the docks. Stealth was everything now. I was going to obstruct the path to the escape boat. I knew that it was risky, and chances were all the survivors would die, but it didn't matter to me then. Sam was dead, and someone had to pay. If these people died in the process...it would be because they were dumb enough to protect Chicago Ted and not run away.

Jared lept away, hiding atop a shack nearby. I lay down next to the ramp going up to the boat. It wasn't difficult to force the tears out. All my memories of Sam, all my regrets and sorrows caught up to me and I didn't have to pretend to bawl my eyes out.

The immune ones came into view. I heard one swear out loud as my cries of woe reached their ears. I heard them wondering how the best way to avoid me was. I also heard them decide that killing me was the only way. A woman took aim at me, and I stood up and glared at her, letting out a loud growl in response. She started to lose her nerve, then regained it and shot.

I dodged, but not soon enough, as the bullet grazed my side. That was it. I went berserk, screaming and I dove at her, tearing and ripping her flesh asunder. More bullets tore into my skin and yet I did not feel it. It was beyond my feelings of hate, and I could not feel beyond my hatred.

The woman was dead. I turned and started for another attacker who had shot at me and came face to face with the barrel of a shotgun. Before it could go off however, the man was grabbed suddenly by the ever so stealthy tongue of a Smoker. I had no idea who the Smoker was, but I didn't care. I was out to kill these people for daring to start a fight with me.

A man shot at the smoker, but he was soon pinned by Jared, who immediately set to work dismantling his body. The remaining woman attempted to shove Jared off but I was faster and soon she was fighting me off. Realizing she stood no chance she raised a hand to protect her face. I simply tore out her stomach, allowing the contents of her body to spill onto the ground and slither through the planks into the ocean.

It was over. We had won. Jared was grim however.

"He wasn't here," he told me. "He must be somewhere else."

I was in shock. So now I had killed these people for no reason. They had nothing to do with Sam...and nothing to do with her killer. In despair I sank to my knees and started to do what Witches do best; cry.

Jared knelt beside me, and held me tightly. He didn't say anything. He knew better. When my tears subsided, he spoke. "It's not your fault. It's Chicago Ted's. He killed Sam. You were just trying to avenge her. These deaths are on his hands."

Numbly I nodded. It was a weak excuse, but if I tried hard enough to believe it, I wouldn't jump into the ocean in an attempt to end it all.

"Come on Hollie. We need to rest. We'll get him. You'll see..." he added soothingly, helping me to my feet. "Now you know this place better than I do. Any ideas where we can get some sleep?"

"I know a place..." I said hesitatingly. Then I shrugged it off. I had to face it sooner or later. "Let's go back to my place."


	5. Chapter 4

_"Jared, I...I think you deserve someone better. I wouldn't break up with you, but promise me...when you find the girl who will make you happy that you'll go for it," I stated, as we walked towards the bus stop. My eyes had filled with tears. I felt so worthless, so unworthy of his love._

_It took a moment for me to realize that he had stopped. I turned and saw he hadn't moved with me. Curiously, I wandered over to him, and we resumed our walk to the bus stop in silence. We reached the corner and I looked him over again. To my surprise, his face was overcome with sorrow and wet with tears._

_"Oh sweetie," I breathed, and I hugged him. He let out a sob._

_"I never meant to hurt you," he said, his voice high and shaky. "Never...hurt you..."_

_"It's not your fault," I replied, my own voice raspy. "How could you every hurt me? It's not your fault that I...that I'm...I'm tainted goods!" I said, tears dripping down my own face. I held him tight. "You're not the reason I feel so bad. I...I love you Jared."_

_We stood there for a moment, and way too soon the bus came. "We'll talk Jared...please don't cry. I love you," I all but shouted as he boarded the bus. I could not believe that he loved me so much that he would cry over my internal pain. I could not have loved him more than at that moment. _

_______________________________________________________________________

We reached my house, or rather what remained of it. Many buildings had been reduced to mere shadows of themselves. The buildings that remained standing stood as tired monuments to the failure of mankind.

I led him inside, no longer mindful of the door that had long been ripped off its hinges. We went up the stairs, and I did my best to ignore the remaining artifacts of what had once been my life. We entered my room, and I sat down on my old mattress, mindful of the springs that had broken through the fabric.

"This is my home..." I said, waving a hand around at the dismal surroundings. "I suppose it can be yours too...if you plan to stay."

"I'll stay. At least, until Chicago Ted moves on. Wherever he goes, I'll follow until he's dead," he stated matter-of-factly.

"I understand. Look if it's not too much trouble, I'd like to join you," I blurted. He gave me a look of incredibility.

"Why?"

"Sam was my best friend Jared! I owe it to her to at least make sure she can rest in peace. If you want to finish off that murderer, that's fine, but I want my pound of flesh too!"

"Look, I guess I can understand, but it's going to be dangerous."

"Anything is better than sitting around and crying all day and night," I retorted. Then hesistantly I added, "Besides...I don't want to be alone anymore."

He gave me a look. "Maybe you should have thought of that before you left the first time," he said coolly.

"Jared-" I started but he cut me off.

"I'm going to sleep now," he said curtly, as he dropped to the floor, and curled up.

Tears filled my eyes at his obvious rejection, but something in my rose to the challenge. Steeling myself for a possibly violent reaction, I went and laid down next to him. Then surprising even myself, I reached for him and held him in my arms.

"What are you-?" he started, but this time _I_ cut _him_ off.

"I told you...I don't want to be alone anymore," I said in a cutting tone. I refused to let go, even though he was stiff in my arms. Perhaps he sensed that I wasn't going to give up, so he gave in and relaxed in my arms. His grasp may not have been as warm and inviting as I remembered it, but I still felt safe nonetheless. Long we lay there, and soon we drifted off into a deep if uneasy slumber.


	6. Chapter 5

_"Are you sure?" I asked, my eyes focused on his, running my hand through the long locks of his hair._

_"I'm sure..." he all but purred, and to reassure me he pressed his lips to mine in a possessing yet gentle kiss. _

_I was a little worried I had forced things, yet the thoughts vanished from my head as he took off his shirt, revealing a very masculine and sculpted chest. My breath was taken away at his beauty, and I reached over, running my fingers along the solid flesh of his body. _

_"You're beautiful," I murmured as I slipped my own shirt off._

_"So are you..." he whispered back. We drank in the others' body, burning the memories into our mind._

_______________________________________________________________________

I slept deeply. As I woke up, I noticed the absence of Jareds' body against mine, and sleepily I opened my eyes. He was off in the corner adjusting the tape on his clothing.

"Hey..." I murmured sleepily. He jumped slightly.

"I thought you were asleep."

"I was," I retorted. I briefly wondered why he was so bothered by the fact I had woken up, then it hit me. He had planned to leave _without_ me. I growled.

"What?" he asked, some concern in his voice.

"You were trying to take off!" I accused, my voice high and scratchy.

"No I wasn't," he stated in an annoyed tone.

"Yes you were! I can't believe this," I muttered as I sat up, rubbing a hand on my forehead. It was a stupid movement given my claws, and sure enough, they got caught in my hair. I let out a disgusted cry, and yanked, taking out a chunk of hair for my efforts. I then swore out loud.

From the corner I could hear Jared trying not to laugh. I glared up at him. "Stop laughing!"

"I'm not!" he answered, a stupid grin on his face. That sent me over the edge and I jumped over and spitefully torn out a chunk of his hair from inside his hood.

He let out a cry of disbelief. "I didn't rip out your hair!"

"You were laughing!"

"I was not!"

"It looked like you were!" Briefly a part of me wondered how we could still have silly arguments despite it being the end of the world.

He leaped over and pinned me down. "Maybe I think you look like you were laughing at me!" he snarled in reply, raising his hand to start attacking. I readied my claws in turn. He started to tear into me, but after a couple of swipes he stopped.

Not realizing he had stopped for a reason I shoved him off and got a few good slashes in myself.

"Ah, fuck, cut it out! Don't you _hear_ that?!" he yelped.

I paused for a moment too. Sure enough, I heard something growling and snarling loudly, accompanied by giant pounds that were starting to shake my room. It could only mean one thing.

I got off of Jared, and ran down the stairs. I saw a couple running down the street and a Tank in hot pursuit. My instincts were fighting to take over as I stood there, and to keep them under control I sat down in the doorway to keep the Survivors out of view. As the gunshots broke out and their yelling reached my ears I started to think of the saddest things imaginable.

Sam's death, never seeing my family again, having left Jared before the infection...it worked, and soon I was drowning them out with my sobs. As luck would have it though, they decided to run down the alley beside my house and they were getting too close. I stood up and growled at them.

"Oh shit...Lisa watch out!" the man yelled as he spotted me. Lisa turned towards me in fear and tripped right before me. I growled louder...only a few more seconds...

The man took a step over to help her but was suddenly hit by a car that the Tank had thrown over. The car rolled over several times and smashed into the abandoned garage beside my home.

"AMON!" Lisa screamed, staring at the bloody smear of her boyfriends' corpse. Unfortunately she startled me, causing my bloody instincts to kick into overdrive. Letting out a scream of my own I ran and started to tear her apart. She screeched and squirmed but she was no match for me. Less than a minute and all that remained was her corpse.

The Tank let out a huge growl, and I let out some more screams, and then I ran. I needed to get as far away from that monstrosity as I could possibly get. I flew down the alley, not stopping for anything, until I reached the grocery store a few blocks away.

I stopped, panting loudly. Blood pounded in my ears, and my adrenaline was running high. Slowly my senses came back to me. Then I remembered that Jared was still back at the house, if he hadn't already taken off to find Chicago Ted.

Anguish ran through me and I let out a heavy cry and fell to my knees. I sobbed long and hard. I cried for Sam and her meaningless death. I cried for the fall of humanity and the pointless reasons behind it. I also cried for the loss of what Jared and I had once shared; true and unconditional love. I didn't think I was ever going to see him again and that brought a new searing scar of grief followed by a loud gasping sob.

As I cried I remembered things about my life with him. Little things such as root beer being his favourite drink, and bigger things such as his passion for life. I cried harder at the last one, realizing what he had become, and how much me must have loathed it. My tears brought more memories of my sorrow, and how he'd come and comfort me, a quiet soothing voice and a warm touch.

"Hollie...what's wrong?"

It was _hard_! It was like I could feel him right next to me, and like I could hear his voice again. Then I realized; he _was_ right next to me and that _was_ his voice I was hearing!

I jumped, startled, but before my bloodthirsty instincts could take over, he had remembered what would set me off and quickly moved to counter it. Soon, he had me pinned down as I fought to control myself.

"Hollie, get ahold of yourself! Come on, you're better than this!" he cried out. "Pull it together, the Tank is coming this way! Hollie, we have to get out of here!"

It sounded as though his words were being spoken through a wall, but they did reach me. Soon the red haze clouding my vision cleared, and I saw the look of concern on his face. He looked back towards the alley. I stopped struggling.

"I'm okay," I told him. He nodded and pulled me up.

"We have to get moving," he told me.

"Good thing we're the faster creatures this infection has developed," I replied, a slight smile on my lips. "Where are we going?"

"To find Chicago Ted. And I know _just_ where to find him!" Jared said, a look of triumph on his face.


End file.
